What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 11:22
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But, we were locked up after school.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why did Donald Trump look so old during the debate?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It was going to be , some day.
What are 10 interesting facts about you?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was scared of men, in general
(And it was in our own minds.)
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
What are some of the best relationship advice for men?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I write beautiful poetry .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Qui omnis et eius rerum et dignissimos vel.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One cannot live in the past .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
What is Project Astra by Google?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was very sick at this time too.
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Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was seconnd youngest,
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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it wasn’t much.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I think the readers, may guess!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So, i spoilt her more .
I will be 64.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When she asked me how she looked .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Put me off passion for life!!
She wouldn,t have been !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
All the time i was locked up.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I waited trembling.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Would this be the day?
What did i know ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We all went to grammer schools
She found it foreign!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were not on the streets..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She loved him until the end.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He knew the spot.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
This is soul school!.
I was 9 years of age.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I said to her
She married twice! .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So whats the point in blame.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And i lived it daily.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Comes on , in middle age.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Ive learnt so much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im still living with it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was in good health!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Who then, do I blame.?
On the 31st of Jan this month .